« O Canada | Main | Marriage Now Just a Sexual Relationship »
July 6, 2005
FREELANCING 101
This is for anyone who loves to write. I couldn't stop laughing.
by Danielle Bean
Ten Easy Steps to Freelancing Success
1. Agree to a ridiculously short deadline in hopes of impressing Ms. Editor with a first-time assignment at a new magazine.
2. Panic.
3. For three days, suffer heart palpitations and draw a complete mental blank whenever coming within three feet of the computer.
4. The evening before the deadline, wait until husband asks, “Are you coming to bed?” before leaping off the couch and shouting, “What, are you crazy?... I have to work tonight!”
5. Sit at computer and re-arrange desktop icons. Drink a giant glass of Diet Coke. Take a bathroom break. Return to the computer and organize photos of kids at the lake.
6. Wait until husband goes to bed alone. Then, verrrrrry cautiously, with fear and loathing, open Microsoft Word. Sit in wonder at the sheer terror generated by the blank whiteness of a computer screen.
7. Take a deep breath, force eyelids open, and type. Type, and type, and type. Type while everyone else in house sleeps. Type with one hand while holding nursing baby. Type while eating giant bag of pretzels. Type while the cool evening air blows in through screened windows. Type while listening to the distant, comforting call of owls in the nearby woods. Type, and type, and type until….
8. You are done—Yes, done! Check spelling, check word count, read-over twice and smile at your accomplishment. Refuse to look at the clock. Email article to Ms. Editor who is going to be oh-so-impressed with your quick and thorough work.
9. Immediately receive a reply: An automated “Out of Office” reply from Ms. Editor’s office: “Thank you for your email. I will be on vacation for the next two weeks. When I return, I will do my best to get back to you in a timely manner.” Stare at message in disbelief.
10. Go to bed. When husband awakens and asks, “How did your article turn out?” mumble “Fabulous” before collapsing on the pillow.
Posted by bobbi at July 6, 2005 8:29 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.stblogs.org/scgi-bin/mv/mt-tb.cgi/14268
Comments
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)