The Heartache of Waiting

What originally got me to thinking about Stephanie's article (as I mentioned in the last post) was a link from another blog La Chica Loca's Life. (btw, love the name, chica.)

She was talking about her struggle with her deep desire to marry but not finding the right guy. Then I received an email this morning from a friend about her struggle with her deep desire for a child but now being able to conceive.

Thinking back to when I was still single, I could totally relate to the frustration of wanting something that you desire so much, it leaves your heart aching. I felt like that when I was looking for my spouse. I always thought that when I did find him, that hole in my heart would finally be filled.

In a sense, it is true because Brian is such a part of me but I found one heartache replaced with another when we both struggled with infertility and miscarriage. Thankfully these desires were eventually fulfilled and left us joyous but as I get older I realize that there is often always a heartaching longing - whether it is for something or someone yet found or for something or someone lost.

I think that is simply part of being a lover of God. As St. Augustine says, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee, O Lord." Sometimes our prayers are answered right away and sometimes we are left waiting...and waiting. Those desires are in our hearts because they drives us to return our eyes to God. They cause us to constantly die to ourselves and surrender to Him.

There is tremendous joy and love to be found on this earth, giving us a little taste of heaven, but there is also a great deal of heartache and injustice that reminds us that this is only a temporary situation. Ultimately our eyes should be on the goal of our eternal home. It's hard to remember that in the day-to-day tasks of living but in the quiet of our hearts we can still feel the longing. It will always be there until it is completely quenched and united in the fullness of God's love.