Recently in bella's world Category

This week's {pretty, happy, funny, real} is going to be a little different. I wanted to share a few photos from the trip Bella and I took with her class last week. They could be considered in more than one category so I'll just lump them as one big {p,h,f,r} category.

Bella's fourth grade class has been learning about California history. She is working on her Missions project right now, which is special since Bl. Junipero Serra is buried at the Carmel Mission. (Our family parish.) Last week her class took a two day trip to Sacramento and the Gold Country.

After our stay and tour at the capital, we headed to our camp in Coloma, CA. The surrounding area was so pretty and the camp was situated right along the American River.

We stopped at various places and museums - Sutter's Mill, Sutter's Fort, A Gold Mine, etc.

One of my favorite visits of our trip was to the California State Railroad Museum. It was amazing! I told Brian we have to go back and bring the boys with us. They would love it.

We learned all about the First Transcontinental Railroad. They actually had the Central Pacific Railroad No. 1 Gov. Stanford, which was Central Pacific's first excursion train in the 1860's.

I hope you enjoyed this tiny peek into California. :- )

The kids are looking pretty in their Easter outfits. I let the boys go a bit more casual since anything fancier would have only been worn once.

Brian's parents made an Easter egg hunt in their backyard. They were as happy as the kids!

Today is Matthew's first birthday! Yay! We had a party for him at my in-laws on Easter. It has become an unintentional family tradition for my in-laws to get a cake with the wrong spelling. One year they spelled Andrew Joseph as "Josef" and last year John-Paul had a cake from a fancy French bakery and it was spelled "Jean-Paul." This year the tradition continues, but we're getting closer!

I can't help but think about how Matthew is grown over the past year.

Time is flying too fast! Savor the moments.

I am a day late posting this but it was an insane day yesterday and I never had time to post this. Better late than never. :-)

I think it is funny that these pair of pajamas have lasted long enough to survive all three boys and their mischief.

I hope you enjoyed my week in photos.

Thanks to our complimentary stay at Pebble Beach last weekend, I have lots of photos to show! It's a little out of order so the story makes more sense.

My happiness was seeing the ones I love the most having a good time.

Maybe this should have been in the funny category but we were excited to be treated to such delicious food! On Friday, after dinner at the Italian restaurant Peppoli's we were too full for dessert. However, we were hungry later that night so we ordered their room service dessert special. It was chocolate raspberry cake/soufflé with a raspberry center, a dish of raspberry sorbet with vanilla ice cream on top and hot chocolate fudge to drizzle over it all. Ohmygosh, it tasted so good!

If that wasn't enough, in the morning they brought us room service breakfast. It's a good thing we had a lot of walking planned to work off our meals!

We are truly blessed to have this once a year mini-vacation but Brian always dreads me coming back home afterwards. It takes him a few days to reprogram me to let go of all the pampering, special treatment and being able to use the bathroom uninterrupted. I have to get back into the mode of stinky diapers, sticky hands, dirty dishes and piles of dirty laundry.

He says I'm like Lucy after she comes back from the home show...

After seeing all that luxury her own house makes her say, "Yesh!" LOL! (If you don't remember the episode, you can watch it here.)

Well, I'm happy to report that I'm back to myself again and ready for the next mini-disaster to photograph for next week. ;-)

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

I've got a lot to do today so I'll just take a few minutes to make my Quick Takes this week. I have errands and house cleaning to do since I have company coming over next week. Two of my sisters will be visiting from Southern California and I can't wait! I get a double treat since not only will be able to spend time with my sisters, they have also offered to babysit the kids, baby included, so Brian and I can go out. He has a special treat planned for next Friday night and I can't wait!

I'm hoping the weather stays nice next week. It has been like spring! The other day was actually warm, so warm that I saw an old homeless guy on the street with his shirt off sunbathing next to his shopping cart. Not exactly a pretty picture but he seemed to be enjoying the California sun.

Tonight I'm going to a baby shower and I'm looking forward to seeing some of my Catholic mom friends. Sometimes I get so busy with life that the first thing to slip away is spending time with other moms. Yet, I truly need it. There is something about being able to talk to another mom face to face (not that I don't appreciate my online friends ;-) and being able to have an adult conversation or just joke around about the quirks of motherhood. I miss it and am glad to have it back.

It is the norm amongst (practicing) Catholic families to have a number of women pregnant at the same time. But lately, there seems to be a number of people I know dealing with the pain of miscarriage. For some, this is their second, even third. For others, this is their first. Brian and I lost two babies during the years between Bella and Andrew. Both happened early in the pregnancy but that didn't diminish the anguish it caused. That first miscarriage was honestly the most painful experience of my life. We had been dealing with infertility for awhile and were so excited when we finally conceived.

I remember how happy I was to buy a new pregnancy journal to record the next nine months of my pregnancy. I never thought I'd have to say good bye to my little one in that journal. Years ago I posted my pregnancy journal online on RoL, just as I had done with Bella's journal. I wanted to show that my little one was no less loved just because I never had the chance to hold him in my arms. How my heart goes out to these moms. I pray that Our Lord brings them peace, comfort and strength as Our Lady takes care of their babies until they can hold them one day in heaven.

Hearing about these miscarriages has also been a stark reminder to me of how blessed I am. This week has been a bit of a struggle for me. The kind of days when my facebook status should read - Although I love being a mother, today sucked. Of course, the problems aren't really major but lack of sleep and caring for sick ones can make the usual little problems seem magnified. However, when I hear about someone losing their baby (no matter how young) I can't help but get a swift kick in the rear and realize just how blessed I am. Suddenly things are put into perspective and things don't look as bad. It helps me find the joy in the chaos.

That reminds me of today's quote and prayer from Small Steps for Catholic Moms. The quote is from St. Francis de Sales. "To keep the soul continually in a state of gentle calm, it is necessary to perform every action as being done in the presence of God, and as if he himself ordained it." The prayer goes on to say, "God, sometimes it's so hard to let go of control! Help me to trust that you are in charge and to find the peace and joy that comes from accepting each moment for the gift it truly is."

Some days it is easy to refocus and reclaim your joy. Other days, especially when you are carrying a heavy cross, the struggles weigh you down and sometimes you just need some time before you can start to even grasp the thought of joy. God knows that and he gives us just what we need.

I can't help but think about my little Matthew as he is learning how to walk. I let him go and he toddles a bit and falls down. Then he gets back up and tries again. But at some point he is exhausted and can't try anymore. He sits on the ground crying with his hands raised up to me. I often think of us as babies and toddlers learning to walk. Like a loving father, God knows exactly when to let us try and walk on our own. And he knows when we are exhausted and can't go on, we just need to be picked up and carried in his arms.

So whether you are walking upright under the close eye of your Father or being held in his arms while you gather your strength, the point is that God is always there. Surrendering yourself and your situation to him doesn't mean that the pain will suddenly vanish, but slowly the healing will take place and we'll be given the grace and courage to walk once again.

(NOTE: I meant only to spend a few minutes doing this quick takes but it has been over an hour and Matthew has miraculously been asleep the whole time. I just now reread my journal and although I lost our first baby seven years ago, all the pain and grief has swept over me as if it were fresh and I'm just sobbing. I can barely type here. I need to stop for a moment...

I guess the pain never completely goes away. Maybe I needed to be reminded that my two little saints are up there looking out for me and praying for me. I've reposted my pregnancy journals for Bella and our miscarried Baby Victor Brian on the blog. Maybe reading it will help another mom know she's not alone in her grief and that there is hope in the end.)

Have a blessed weekend.

xoxo,
B

This was originally posted at RoL but I reposted it on the blog for anyone who was interested.

February 14, 2001

It is Valentine's morning and I still can't believe it. I suspected that our dream was finally coming true so I took a pregnancy test. I followed the procedure then closed my eyes while I waited for the results. I prayed three Hail Marys that I would accept God's will graciously. After the last prayer I slowly opened my eyes and looked at the test... there it was! How many times have I seen that awful negative result but this time it was positive. There is a little one growing inside me!

Brian was in the kitchen so I went in there and asked him to close his eyes and hold out his hands to receive a Valentine's gift I wanted to give him. He did so and I then placed his hands on my stomach and told him to open his eyes. With a puzzled look he said, "What?" I said, "Guess!" His eyes grew wide and with astonishment he exclaimed, "You're pregnant?! Are you sure?" I convinced him that it was true and we just hugged each other and cried. There are no words to describe our joy and gratitude to God for answering our prayers. I'm still in shock...but I will never forget the moment I learned of the existence of my little one. Blessed be God!

February 15, 2001

My dear little one, I am still walking around in a daze. I cannot believe that you are in me! Yesterday I went to the store to buy a few small baby things as a gift for your grandparents. It will be part of how I tell them the news. I also bought a little heart frame to place your first little picture in since you were conceived in love and discovered on a day celebrating love. How I thank God for your existence! It seems almost too good to be true but it IS true. I have been feeling very tired but that is normal since my body is working extra hard to help you grow. I pray God keeps you safe, my little one.

February 17, 2001

My dear little one, we are on our trip to So CA so your daddy and I took the opportunity to tell your Grandma and Grandpa C. and all your new aunts and uncles the wonderful news since it will be awhile until we visit them again. In the afternoon when everyone was here we gave G & G two gifts to open. Your grandpa opened the first box, which contained some treats for the kids. Your grandma was to open the second one (which contained a tiny toy baby doll crib, a stuffed animal puppy, rattle, baby blanket and some board books. There was a little card inside that read " Grandma's and Grandpa's box of toys for their first grandchild".) Grandma opened the box and lifted off the lid. She looked inside and then had a look of shock on her face. She closed her eyes and laid her head on the box. Then she began to cry and hugged me. Your aunts and uncles didn't get it until they too looked in the box and saw G & G crying and hugging me and your daddy. Soon everyone was laughing and cheering. They are all so happy, my little one. They, too, have been waiting for you. They love you and are praying for you. Thank you, my dear Lord and Lady!

February 18, 2001

My dear little one, today dad and I went to Sunday Mass with the family. It was beautiful to kneel there before God knowing that the blessing of new life is in me. I prayed for you and for your health and safety. I worry, my little one, that perhaps God will call you to Him before you are born. I will always love you whether you live 8 weeks in me or 88 years outside of me... but I pray God will allow us to raise you and enjoy your presence for years to come. My heart is always with you, my little one, no matter what happens. Your daddy knows just the right words to comfort me and encourage me to trust God and his goodness.

February 20, 2001

My dear little one, today I called the doctor's office and made an appointment for March 5 at 6pm. It seems like a long way off but that is his usual amount of time to wait. I am a little nervous. All this is so new to me! There are times when I still cannot believe it.

I have been reading my baby books and keeping track of your growth and development. It is amazing just how small you begin at, little one. You are just about the size of period at the end of this sentence. Then slowly you grow larger and larger. It is a wonderful miracle how God is forming you. Be always united with your Creator, my little one. You shall be a joy and comfort to Him! Amen!

February 25, 2001

My dear little one, today we went out to dinner with your Grandma and Grandpa S. We have not yet told them about you. Your Grandma will be very worried until I see the doctor so we will wait until after my appointment, then we will tell them the joyful news! It is hard to keep quiet since I want to shout it from the housetops but I must be patient and wait for God's time.

I have been very tired and a little ill. I haven't had morning sickness other than a little queasiness. I hope that's okay! Your daddy has been taking such good care of me. He has so much love for us, my little one. Wait until you see what a good and holy man he is!

February 28, 2001

My dear little one, today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I will work hard at overcoming my faults and building virtue so that I may truly be a woman of God. In doing such, I will be a better wife to your father and a better mother to you. God has granted me the blessing of motherhood but with it comes great responsibility and sacrifice. God has slowly been preparing my heart for this moment and now that the time has come I accept this task of love.

Yesterday you turned five weeks old, my little one. Stay strong and healthy. May God protect you always.

March 4, 2001

My dear little one, each day that passes unites my heart even closer to you. I have been having much fear and anxiety about having a miscarriage. I want you so badly, my little one, and I fear this is just too good to be true. At Mass this morning, though, the reading and psalms and songs were about not fearing, turning to God, and trusting that He will watch over us. I must believe that. I must trust in God's Providence, whatever the outcome may be. I pray that Our Lady gives me strength. I will be strong and not worry so much, my little one. I do not want you to sense any of my fears as you are growing in me. How I love you, my little one.

March 5, 2001

My dear little one, today was our first prenatal appointment. I was so nervous and scared! Your Daddy got permission to leave work early so he could be with me. He was such a comfort to me! When I first arrived the nurse took my blood pressure and she said I must be nervous because it was high. She said she's take it again afterwards. The doctor talked to daddy and me and then he examined me. We saw the sonogram for the very first time and there you were so tiny (only 1/2 inch tall) on the screen. The machine said I was only five weeks pregnant but I knew I was just entering my eighth week. The doctor said my uterus agreed with me. He asked me to come back in three weeks to take the ultrasound again then he'll give us a more definite due date. But that didn't matter to me since after the exam and seeing you on the screen and hearing that we were both fine, I was so overjoyed! The nurse took my blood pressure again and the numbers were great. That's because I was so relieved and happy! I cannot tell you how happy I am! And your daddy... he is beaming with joy to see your tiny little body growing in me. We couldn't be more pleased or excited! I feel like now I can relax a little more and not worry so much. I need to feel good for you now, my little one.

Tomorrow we will be sharing the news with Oma and Opa. It will be exciting! But I am very, very tired so I will stop writing. I love you, my little one. Have a restful night.

March 7, 2001

My dear little one, I have found great comfort writing to you and getting to know you while you are still growing in me. Right now I am sitting in the chapel before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. I pray that your little heart is already beating for His love above all else. It is the love of God that has allowed the miracle of your existence. Never stray from that love...life is meaningless without it.

Last night we went to your Oma and Opa's house to tell them the news. We also gave them a little gift box of baby things. They were speechless and overjoyed! Already they are planning to buy a little crib and make one of their rooms into a nursery to babysit you, my little one. They called your other grandparents and together they laughed and cried with joy. They are all so pleased.

Now today I will tell my friends at work. I am excited yet it is still a little hard to believe. God is so good and gracious. I am struck by his gentle yet mighty power...a power that allows a lowly person like me to have the privilege of carrying a new life in me. Now we will be a reflection of the Holy Trinity. Father & Mother together in their love bring forth you, my little one. It is amazing. Blessed be God in his goodness now and forever!

(Later in the evening.) Well, I shared the wonderful news at work and everyone was incredibly excited and happy for me. It is funny how a new baby - or the news of a new baby- affects people. Deep down people are drawn to the beauty of an innocent and pure new life. It somehow brings us closer to God, the Creator of that life. Blessed be God.

March 8, 2001

My dear little one, the last 24 hours have been some of the most horrid hours of my life. Last night I began to bleed. Daddy and I could not believe it. It was late and I was to see the doctor in the morning. As I lay in bed in your Daddy's arms I realized that God might be taking you away from us. I began to cry and then to sob with such sorrow and heaviness of heart, like I've never felt before. Your Daddy held me and sobbed with me. Sorrow gnawed at me all night as I pleaded with God to have mercy on us and to spare our child. Lastly, though, above all else I asked for the grace to accept God's will, whatever it was.

The next morning my eyes were so swollen I could barely open them. Your Daddy held onto me all night and in the morning there were still tears in his eyes. He loves you deeply as well, my little one. I went to the bathroom to check things out and I had stopped bleeding. Later the doctor told me not to worry and that everything was fine with me and with you, my little one. I was incredibly relieved to hear that. Then when I found out you were okay I was crying with happiness.

Ugh! I feel like an emotional basket case! But more than anything I am so grateful that God has spared you - at least for the time being. I still feel emotionally fragile but God will get me through. Blessed be God. Thank you, my Lord and lady and all the angels and saints!

March 13, 2001

My dear little one, it has been a very pleasant weekend - your Aunt B. & Aunt J. have been here for a visit. It was wonderful to see them again. They are so pleased and excited about you.

Last night, however, I was having a rough time again. The fear from the previous night keeps returning to me. I just lay in bed and cried. I am afraid to be happy about the pregnancy because something could go wrong any minute. It is wrong to think that way but how do I stop it? I pray that Our Blessed Lord helps me and brings peace to my heart. Please intercede for me, my dear lady. I need you I love you, my little one. Pray for your Mama.

March 16, 2001

My dear little one, it is a beautiful morning out today. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. It will be a lovely day. I am in the Adoration Chapel right now. I have been praying to Our Lord but I am feeling tired and sleepy so I began to write to keep me awake! Your Daddy is kneeling next to me and is deep in prayer. He is such a good and holy man, my little one. I pray that you will have a strong and spiritual heart for God, as your Daddy does.

I talked to my mom, your Grandma C, the other day about my fear of losing you. She said that it is natural to feel that way. But she reminded me that I need to concentrate on enjoying your presence in me every day. She said that whether God takes you away tomorrow, in a few months or in 75 years, I will always be your Mama. She said I must enjoy and cherish every moment with you and not allow worries or fears distract from this special time. Something of what she said clicked in me and made sense. I love you, my little one, and I want to cherish every moment with you. Blessed be God in his goodness.

March 20, 2001

My dear little one, today you have turned eight weeks old and I am entering my 10th week of pregnancy. This is a special week for you, my child! You are a whopping 1 ½ inches! Perhaps that doesn't seem like much but it is when you consider that just two months ago you were the size of the period at the end of this sentence. You are becoming more and more real to me, my little one, and I can't wait until I can feel you move in me. May God protect you and strengthen you always. I love you.

March 25, 2001

My dear little one, it is Sunday evening and Daddy and I are just about to leave for Oma and Opa's house for dinner. They are getting more and more excited about you, little one. Oma is curious to know if you will have curly hair like your mommy.

Grandma & Grandpa and the family are also eager for your arrival. They sent you a gift last week. They gave you a little "Jubilee Year" bear and a wooden baby rosary and tiny baby nail clippers. I'm afraid you'll be showered with many gifts, little one. But remember, the gift of God's love is most precious! I love you.

March 26, 2001

My dear little one, today the Church celebrates the beautiful feast of the Annunciation (since the 25th was a Sunday this year). We honor our most Blessed Mother in a special way for her humble "fiat" - I am the handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me according to your word. I give special thanks to Our Lady for her continued guidance and intercession. It was shortly after a special prayer made to Our Lady in Rome that we were finally able to conceive you, my little one. God is so good.

March 30, 2001

My dear little one, today is already Friday. This week has gone by so quickly! That means that you are almost another week older, little one. I went to the doctor's Monday evening and Dr. V took another ultrasound to check your size. We saw you on the screen with your heart beating strongly! It is still hard to believe that you are growing in me! I love you, my little one.

April 15, 2001

My dear little one, Happy Easter to you! Today is the beautiful feast of Our Lord's Resurrection. Daddy and I went to Mass this morning with you snug inside of me. It's funny because Daddy reminded me that by next Easter we will be attending Mass with you in our arms. What a wonderful thought...this is the last time we will attend Easter Mass alone. Next year you will be there too, my little one. I love you!

April 24, 2001

My dear little one, today Daddy and I went to the doctor's for another check up. We were so excited because we were able to hear you for the first time. Nurse C. had me lay down. Then she got ready to put the little machine on my stomach. She warned us that sometimes it is hard to hear anything or that it takes awhile to find the heartbeat. Well, she placed the machine on me and there you were loud and strong saying good morning with your powerful heartbeat! We're so excited and happy, our little one. We love you!

April 30, 2001

My dear little one, this weekend we have been visiting Grandma & Grandpa and all your aunts and uncles! Fr. M came visited us at the house and gave us a very special blessing. He prayed over me and said special prayers for me that I would be a holy mother to you. Then he prayed for you that you would be blessed and love the Lord always. I was very beautiful, my little one. Your Papa and I love you so much, we can't wait until we can hold you in our arms!

May 13, 2001

My dear little one, thanks to you, today I celebrated my first Mother's Day because you have made me a mama! Yesterday Daddy sent me flowers at work to congratulate me. They are very beautiful and very special because this is my first mother's day! When we went to Mass today a little girl was standing outside the door handing flowers to all the moms. Although I wasn't holding a baby she gave me one too. God knows that you're growing inside me and that I am your mama. How thankful I am! I love you, my little one.

July 6, 2001

My dear little one, this morning I was reading through the pages of my journal. It's amazing how quickly time is going! I am six months pregnant and you, my little one, have grown to eight inches long! Just think, in four short months I will be holding you in my arms! Right now I am in the Adoration Chapel on First Friday and in a few short months I will be here once again with you in my arms. Together we will be praying to Our Lord besides your Daddy. I've begun singing the Hail Mary and Gentle Woman to you in the morning. I want you to also have a great love for Our Lady. I love you, my little one.

July 16, 2001

My dear little one, this weekend your daddy and I stayed with your Grandma and Grandpa and the family. It has been a wonderful weekend and everyone was excited to see my growing belly with you inside! On Sunday you and I were given a baby shower by all our friends in So. Calif. It was so beautifully done! It looked like a wedding reception! We received so many generous gifts! Everyone is so happy for us and so eager to welcome you into the world, my little one. I love you very much.

July 25, 2001

My dear little one, I have special thanks to give to God for the other night was the first time I felt you kick my hand! I have felt you moving around in me for some time but this is the first I felt it so strong. And again last night as I was sitting on the couch you kicked the hand I had placed on my stomach. It was so wonderful and such a joyous feeling. Now I just need you to kick while Daddy's there so he can feel it too! I love you, my little one.

August 18, 2001

My dear little one, today your mommy is celebrating her birthday. I was thinking this morning that two years ago I celebrated my first birthday as an engaged woman. Then a year ago my first birthday as a married woman. This year? My first birthday as a mother carrying her child within her. I have sooo much to be thankful for - my life, God's love and mercy, my dear husband and his love, the fruit of that love - our little baby, my family...the list could go on forever. Thank you, my dear Lord, for all your goodness and kindness to me.

August 27, 2001

My dear little one, today we attended our third birthing class. We were given a tour of the birthing center where I will give birth to you, my little one. I feel much better getting used to the surrounding of the hospital; it makes me feel less nervous about what will take place during your birth! While we were there we saw in the nursery window a little baby that had just been born and was being checked by the nurse. It brought a tear to my eye to think that soon it will be you who is born into the world. How I can hardly wait to hold you, my little one! I love you!

September 3, 2001

My dear little one, I'm amazed at how active you have been in me. You don't kick as much as you used to but now it feels like you are doing somersaults. My stomach rolls and moves up and down as you move inside me. You are a strong one, my little one. I love you so much.

September 11, 2001

My dear little one, today has been a tragic day for our nation. There has been a terrorist attack in New York and many, many people lost their lives because of it. My heart is broken, my little one, and I cannot stop crying in grief for not only those who died but for all those that were left behind. I think of how much I love your Daddy and you, my little one, and how devastated I would be had something happened to either one of you. But I must put it form my mind right now. I must concentrate on the new life within me and not let my sadness effect you, my little one. I must see you as an answer of hope and joy to all the sorrow and pain our nation is feeling now. May God bless and strengthen us all.

September 28, 2001

My dear little one, I've been feeling better, trying to focus on you and your arrival. So many people have been so generous to you - we've already been to three baby showers and tomorrow is the last one at Oma's. Your Grandma & Grandpa C. and your Uncle Rob drove to Carmel to spend the weekend with me. I've been having a lot of Braxton Hick (the practice) contractions. They are coming more often but are too sporadic to worry about. Everyone says it is normal! I just hope they don't stay this strong until you're born! We still have almost a month to go. I can't believe that in a few short weeks I'll really be holding you! I can't wait! I love you, my little one!

September 29, 2001

My dear little one, I am in shock!! You surprised us all! This (Saturday) morning at 9:35am you entered the world!! My dear little one, I can now call you my sweet little Isabella Rose Marie...a little girl! I am so happy! You are so tiny but so beautiful! I can't believe it - it all went so quickly! Ha, and today is your baby shower! Well, now it's a birthday party! I am in shock! But I am oh so happy! I will give you all the details later, my little Isabella. I love you!

October 1, 2001

My sweet Isabella, today I am officially discharged from the hospital although I won't be leaving yet. The nurses are keeping me around as long as possible so I can spend my time with you in the nursery. I am still reeling over everything! Let me tell your birth story now while it is still fresh in my head.

On the Thursday before you were born I began noticing more practice contractions than usual. They continued into Friday but were brief and sporadic. I remember shopping at Costco and stopping for a moment to feel a contraction. But I continued my day and waited for your Grandma and Grandpa C. and Uncle R. to come. I was so happy when they arrived and chatted with them while I cooked dinner. At this point the contractions were getting stronger and my back was feeling it more but they were still sporadic so I thought nothing of them.

That evening after dinner we drove over to your Grandma & Grandpa to Oma & Opa's house where they would be staying for the weekend. Grandma S. showed me the rooms that had been decorated for the baby shower the next morning. Everything looked so pretty! However, the pains were getting stronger and I had to sit so I told daddy that I'd better go home and get some rest. I was very tired that night, although every once in awhile a contraction would wake me. I was a bit worried but since they weren't close enough to call the doctor (I thought) that I tried to sleep them off. By early morning the contractions were getting stronger and Daddy was getting worried and wanted to call the doctor. I agreed.

While your Daddy got out of bed, a big contraction hit me and my water broke. Now I was scared because I knew that meant that I was going into labor NOW. Daddy came over and comforted me and told me not to worry. He called the doctor while I went into the bathroom to get dressed. Your Uncle Rob, who was asleep in the front room, woke up and grabbed my bags and put them in the car. However, getting out the door was almost impossible because the contractions were very intense and coming every 2 - 3 minutes. When a contraction came I had to stop and hold onto something and breathe though it. I could feel you in me pressing down and then slightly rising back up once the contraction was over. I tried to quickly hobble out the door and down the apartment stairs before the next one came. I just barely made it!

Thankfully the hospital was only minutes away and I was there quickly. Uncle Rob and Daddy walked me to the birthing center section although I had to stop once on my way to get though another contraction. Daddy and Uncle Rob rubbed my back and told me that I was doing a good job. That gave me the strength to hurry to the admittance desk.

After a few minutes I was finally in my hospital gown lying down on the birthing bed. The nurse was trying to ask me questions but I had a hard time talking since I was breathing through a contraction. She then noticed that I was leaking a lot of water so she checked me to see how I was doing. She was surprised to find that I was already 10 cm dilated - but not as surprised as I was! She quickly called in Dr. V who checked me and said that you were ready to come out now. The nurses and the room had not been ready for this stage of birth so they ran around like crazy putting on their gowns, getting their tools and preparing the room.

I watched them all in shock - this was it. I was anticipating long hours of labor in a hospital using all the labor tools we packed in our bags and here I was, ready to push. My head was full of so many emotions and I would have been really scared if it hadn't been for your Daddy. He was so loving and supportive; his encouragement helped me to focus and stay calm.

Dr. V took care of the last minute details to get my body ready then he had me push down as hard as I could. I did 2 or 3 times before he announced that he could see the head. Daddy could see you coming out and he just kept saying, "ohmygosh, ohmygosh" then with one more strong push, out you came! Dr. V said, "It's a girl!" I couldn't believe it! I had just given birth to a baby girl! From the ultrasound we saw before you were born, the doctor guessed that you were a boy. We assumed we were having a boy, although whenever I prayed for you I automatically said "she" not "he". I guess my heart knew deep down that the little one inside me was my precious little daughter! I was so happy!

After the doctor cleaned your mouth out and heard you cry, they immediately checked you over at a little side table. Since you were born a month early you were still rather small weighing only 3 lb. 12 oz and 17" long. Although small, the doctor said you are healthy and feisty. (Daddy says that you're feisty because you're a warrior for Christ, born on the feast of the Archangels!) However, you had to be taken right away to the nursery to be placed in an incubator so you could be given the special care you needed.

Meanwhile Grandma & Grandpa, Uncle Rob and Opa were waiting outside for the great news. Although you arrived early it was a great blessing that you came while Grandma & Grandpa were in town! By the blessing of God I was able to have my mom and dad with me at this most special time of my life...the birth of my beautiful and precious girl, my little Isabella. I love you, my sweet little one!

The day of your birth, little one, filled everyone with excitement and joy. (I'm still in shock!) All your Grandparents were overjoyed and Uncle Rob called the family at home and they cheered and thanked God. Meanwhile Oma was greeting all the guests for the baby shower telling them that the "guest of honor" was detained and the party was now a birthday celebration! Haha!

After the birth I showered and cleaned up and was eager to hold you for the first time. You are so tiny, my little one, but already so beautiful! Although Daddy and I can't have you in the room with us I am able to nurse you and we are spending every minute we can with you while you get better in your incubator. I have asked Grandma C to stay with me this week while you are in the hospital. She was so pleased that I asked because she wants to be here with you and help us out so Daddy and I can spend as much time as we can with you. I will do all I can not to leave you, my little Isabella. I love you!

October 2, 2001

My dear little Isabella, this evening has been very difficult for me. It is so hard to see the other moms with their babies as they leave the hospital to go home. It deeply pains me that you must be separated from me. For eight months I carried you moving within me. Now I feel so alone and empty without you. I know you are only down the hall in the nursery with the nurses but I want you in my arms at home with your Daddy. I can't stop the tears...I pray God gives me strength to get through this.

October 6, 2001

My dear little Isabella, today you are 1 week old! Was it really just a week ago that you entered into the world? It seems so very long ago! You are still in the hospital but we are hopeful that next week you will be discharged. You are steadily gaining weight and breathing better. Keep it up, my little one, and then we'll be home soon!

October 10, 2001

My dear little one, the day you Daddy and I have been praying for is finally here! We have taken you from the hospital (where the nurses were wonderful!) and now we are home! Daddy took off the afternoon and met me at the hospital. We spent an hour trying to figure out your car seat but we finally did it! It felt funny not to wake up and see you in the hospital but rather to have in our little home. I am so happy! I must admit, though, that I am also scared - there are no more nurses around to keep an eye on me and see if I'm doing things okay. It's just me, you and Daddy, little one! Actually it was blessing in disguise that we had so much "practice time" in taking care of you in the hospital. I feel more comfortable now on my own.

It is so strange...sometimes I still can't believe that you are my little baby! It all seems so unreal. And sometimes I worry...will you love me and know that I am your mama? You spent so much time with the other nurses that I hope I am not just another nameless face to you that gives you food. I know it is silly but, my little Bella, just let me know that you love me and know that I am your mommy!

October 18, 2001

My dear little one, this week Daddy stayed home from work to be with you and help me. This is such a special time for us. I feel very close to Daddy and love him very much. It is so beautiful and miraculous that by the grace of God our love has created a new beautiful life - our little Bella, or as we affectionately call you "our little Peanut". How we love you!

October 28, 2001

My dear little Bella, today, the day before your one-month birthday, you have celebrated a very special day - your baptism! You are a child of God on the road to heaven! All your aunts and uncles and G&G C. are spending the weekend here. They are so happy and excited to see you for the first time/again! The ceremony itself was beautiful with Fr. E at the Carmel Mission. We have so much to be thankful for, my dear little one! All praise to Our God!

November 9, 2001

My sweet Bella, each day I am learning more and more about being a mom! I am still trying to get used to the breastfeeding and you prefer to sleep in my arms, which makes showering and cleaning a little difficult! You are pretty mellow in the day but in the evening you get cranky! You will cry and cry until I am crying! I am told it is normal for newborns so I guess you'll grow out of it eventually. I just want to keep you happy and content!

My favorite moments with you are at night when you sleep in my arms in our bed. Sometimes I will lie awake at night just to watch you sleep so peacefully in my arms. You're so tiny and so beautiful! I love you, my little peanut! Thank you, my dear Lord for the gift of motherhood! Amen.

Postscript

August 2002

It's been awhile since I've made long entries into my journal. There has been no time! Things have been hectic, especially with the recent move to our new home but it has been worth it. I love our little place and it will be much better for Bella to have a little more room to roam around. She is such a joy in our lives! She is loving & full of energy. Her inquisitiveness never ceases to amaze me (although Brian says she is just nosy like her mother!) and it troubles me that she will grow up thinking that her name is "No, Bella!" haha!

Ay, so much has happened over this last year and a half...some tears, a lot of laughs, and countless blessings. We' ve started a whole new chapter of our lives and the three of us are eager to see where God leads us in the months and years to come. Blessed be God forever!

January 2012

My little peanut Bella is now 10 years old and is growing up to be a beautiful young lady and wonderful big sister to her three younger brothers! She is still the sunshine to my heart and will always be my little baby. I love you, my Sweetie Girl.

I never got the chance to post any Christmas photos last week so I'll do them this week. :-)

Here's a quick peek at our Halloween costumes this year.

Bella was an Angry Bird vet.

She bandaged up the birds that were hurt fighting the pigs. LOL.

Andrew the Tiger.

John-Paul the Packers fan.

Brothers

Matthew the Lion.

For her 10th birthday, Bella wanted to have an Angry Bird party. She was eager to make her own invites and draw some posters for the party. I went online and found a lot of cute ideas. I wanted to share what we did for those who are planning an Angry Bird party of their own.

Here are a few other products your Angry Bird fan might enjoy.

Where does the time go?? From her first birthday to her tenth birthday! Happy birthday my precious, Bella! You'll always be my baby. ;-)

I don't know what makes Brian happier - that his Packer football is back or that he has a new Packer fan to cheer with him.

Matthew could only take so much football cheering and then he conked out.

It's been a busy, busy week! Here are some things we've been working on. Besides getting ready for Bella's Angry Bird birthday party (which I'll post about next week) we also had two school fundraisers. Here is Brian working at the Mission Fiesta for Bella's school. Andrew was having fun throwing the ring.

Here are two gift baskets I put together for the Fall Festival/Auction for Andrew's school. I did a baby shower basket and a family movie night basket. I like the way they came out. It was fun to get creative.

Lastly, I've been baking for the Fall Festival bake sale. I made Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies. They are sooo yummy I hope they make it to the sale!

Okay, back to decorating. Have a great weekend!

This post was made years back but it is just as heart felt today.

When I was younger I used to always wonder why people would ask "Where were you when Kennedy died?" I didn't get what the big deal was. Now when someone asks me "Where were you on 9/11?" I understand perfectly what they were talking about. On 9/11 I was no where near NY. I was living in Pacific Grove, CA with Brian. I was almost 8 months pregnant with Bella. I woke up to kiss Brian goodbye for work and he told me I had better check the news because he saw online that there was news of a terrorist attack.

When I turned on the TV, I first thought a single terrorist flew his own plane into the Twin Towers. Then a realized a regular commercial flight with innocent people on board were made into human bombs. And not just one flight - many of them. I kept thinking that the Twin Tower workers probably never saw it coming but the people on the plane were aware and watching it unfold. I was dumbstruck until all I could do was sob. (Even now its hard to hold back the tears when I think about it.) I don't think I ever got off the couch that day as I watched and cried. Brian came home and eventually made me turn off the TV so I'd stop thinking about it.

I remember at one point someone told me that it was a shame that I was bringing a baby into a world such as this. For a moment I thought she was right but as I came to my senses I thought - no! This child of mine is a sign of hope! It is a breathe of joy and peace in the midst of evil and darkness.

Two weeks later Bella was born a month premature. (I always wondered if my stress at that time had something to do with it.) Weighing only 3lb, 12 oz she was tiny but had a feisty, fighting spirit and came out fine. My beautiful little Isabella Rose Marie. She was my proof that no matter how troubling things may look or how small and insignificant we may feel, with God, you can find a purpose, a means, and always hope.

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

It's been nearly eight years since I've had this blog and it is about time I do some maintenance on it! I've been going through old posts and deleting all the ones with dead links and updating the others with tags. It's amazing going back and reading where I was so many years ago. It's a great walk down memory lane.

I also added LinkWithin. However, as the system is getting used to my blog, it is suggesting posts with dead links that have since been deleted. So I apologize if you click on a page that won't open. Hopefully I'll get the bugs worked out soon.

Speaking of memory lane, this morning/afternoon we were at Bella's school for Grandparents Day. There's a special Mass, a class visit and then each class does a little presentation. It is so funny to see Bella and her friends and how much they've grown. They are getting out of that little kid stage and getting closer to tweens. I remember when they were in kindergarten doing their little songs up there and now they are 4th graders making their presentations. Time goes too fast!

To prove it, here is a shot of Bella in kindergarten and Bella today.

I don't know if I want to get into this, but since it has been on my mind a lot, Quick Take # 5-7 are rolled into one. (TMI Alert: skip this take if you don't want to read about fertility, cycles and sex, or lack of it.)

I was talking to my NFP teacher last night. She has been helping Brian and I get through a rough patch in our NFP charting. She told me to let her know how things are going in the next couple weeks and then jokingly said that maybe she could tell by the tone of my blog...but probably not seems it is usually pretty upbeat or positive or whatever the exact word was that she used. I've been thinking about that. The last time I wrote about NFP was a couple years after Brian and I were married. Since then I've had a love-hate relationship with NFP. When my cycle is "normal," it is great but when it's not, it's a lot tougher.

After Matthew was born my cycle has been really crazy which has required a lot of abstinence...for weeks....and weeks...and weeks with no end in sight. I'm really struggling with being faithful to the church's teaching and having to die to myself again and again. Normally, I would not mention something so personal and private in a public place especially since it doesn't just involve me. (But if you are reading this now, then Brian gave me the okay to post this.) I decided to mention this topic because over the summer Danielle Bean wrote Five Ways I Don't Love NFP and shared about her concerns and Jennifer Fulwiler gave her take in Bad at NFP and Proud. Their words were encouraging to me and I discussed the topics they brought up with Brian. They gave us that little boost we needed to hang in there and know that there are others who love God, love their Catholic faith and are trying to be open to new life yet are struggling with some of the challenges of NFP. So if by chance you are one of those people struggling, hang in there. We're in this together. I'll say a prayer for you. Please say a prayer for me.

Later I'll write a longer post about what I've learned about NFP over the years and what I do love about it. But right now, I am not in the right frame of mind because the only title I can think of is "NFP Sucks, but I'm Using It Anyway." ;-)

(UPDATE: Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. It is days later and although we are still waiting, God's grace has increased and we are resolved to wait it out as best as we can. We are praying that it draws us closer to God and to each other in the end. I have to remember the motto I use during the difficult newborn months, "And this too shall pass.")

Okay, that's it for this week. Have a great weekend!

The pregnancy is coming along fine, although when they tested my progesterone last week they found it is still really low so I will have to stay on prog until I am 37 weeks to make sure the baby stays put. I have good days and down days when the Braxton Hicks are coming too close and I have to stay off my feet. It is a little tougher when I am home alone taking care of the boys but when Brian and Bella are here they are a huge help.

In fact, the other day I found a "to do" list on the table that Bella wrote. The day before she had been extra helpful and made sure that I stayed resting on the couch while she took charge after she got home from school. Her to do list read:

"1. Help mom do the work. 2. Give her two cups of water a day. 3. And make sure she is happy."

She certainly has made me happy! She has such a kind and tender spirit and her smile alone warms my heart. She's my special girl. :-)

We've been out of town to attend the weeding of my brother Rob to his fiance Maria Rangel. The wedding was beautiful and Bella had the honor being the flower girl. (The most touching part was when Brian leaned over and whispered, "It was almost as beautiful as our wedding," and then he kissed me. It's nice to know he can still make my heart skip a beat after ten years of marriage!) Anyway, here is a pic of Bella with the bride and groom and Andrew dressed like a little man.

Happy birthday to my precious Bella who turns seven years old today. It's hard to believe. It seems like such an incredibly short time ago we were celebrating her first bday. (As seen in the first pic.) I love you, Sweetie Girl! Happy birthday!