Recently in married life Category

This post was originally posted on RoL a few years back. I reposted it on the blog since it is still relevant and this week's book discussion of Style, Sex and Substance is on Chapter 4: Sex, Passion and Purity.

Chastity is a way of life. It is respecting the human person as a whole, not as an object. It is valuing your own gift of sexuality and revering the sacredness and life-giving power of sex within marriage. Chastity is not a negative aspect of "I can't do this" or "I can't do that," rather it is empowering. Living chastely frees us from the shackles of immorality and allows us to live a life of freedom as God intended.

Chastity is not for guys who are weak and faint-hearted.

Today's society will often portray a male virgin in their 20's or 30's as a sort of social misfit - undesirable, unmanly, timid or a religious fanatic. I have very little regard for many of society's "values" so it's not surprising to find out...that's such a lie!

A guy who constantly gratifies his own sexual desires through immorality is a billboard for weakness. It is true that most guys have a strong sex drive BUT when a guy puts his weakness in God's hands and works with God to control his passion and love purely, that is a man of strength and honor! (For you single guys looking for a holy wife...that is extremely attractive to a girl!)

Chastity helps a guy develop his true potential as a man of God, realizing that there is more to him than his sex drive. It helps him view women not through the eyes of lust but through the eyes of God. He sees their beauty and treats then with respect and the tenderness of a pure heart. Chastity inspires him to love God and rely on Him continuously for strength.

Chastity is not for girls who enjoy having a low self-esteem and dating losers.

Most often it seems that men use the words "I love you" to get sex, while women have sex to hear "I love you". For the most part, girls ache to be held and told that they are loved. I will admit I was one of those countless females who didn't feel loved and worth anything unless I had a guy in my life - whether I was dating him, chasing him, or just flirting with him. Why was my self-worth so low that I could not bear not having a guy in my life? Because I equated physical attraction and emotion with love. Because I didn't have God in my life to see that I am precious and loved by Him!

Chastity helps a woman realize that her self-worth doesn't come from this world but from within - knowing that you are the precious daughter of God, created to love and be loved. With His strength and grace you come to realize that you do not need to degrade yourself for emotional or physical gratification. You realize that God has chosen a special spouse just for you (whether it be Christ as a religious or to a man of God in marriage) and you have the God-given grace to live joyfully in the freedom of purity and self-respect. (Ladies, if it worked for me, it can certainly work for you!)

Chastity is for the spiritual poppas and mommas.

In a special and unique way, the consecrated, religious and clergy are able to give a powerful witness to how a person can love purely for the sake of Christ and His Church. A priest and religious brother must have a great capacity to love in order to give their life to God in this way. They have taken the holy Catholic Church as their beloved bride and have dedicated their lives to loving and serving her. They have taken as their children the people they help day in and day out.

Likewise, nuns, sisters, and consecrated women have been chosen by God to be Christ's beloved spouse. With the natural instinct to mother and nurture, they have embraced the countless souls that live in misery, both physically and spiritually. Their prayers and works caress these souls and love them so that they too may realize that God is their Father and He desires them to be happy with Him in heaven. As spiritual brides and mothers, they are living example of pure life-giving love.

Chastity is for those who say "I Do".

Brian and I live as a chaste married couple...does that mean we don't have sex?? No, it means that we treasure sex as a powerful and life giving gift! All spouses are called to continue to live their life of chastity even after they are married. Remember that chastity is a way of life, treating sex and love with dignity and respecting its purpose. Couples are not to use artificial contraception for that would desecrate the act of marital intercourse, drive a wedge between the couple and take God out of the picture. Married couples must keep God in the bedroom. After all, He is the life-giving creator of sex. When couples do this they are able to enjoy an incredibly beautiful and powerful gift that bonds them together at all levels - physically, mentally, and spiritually. That love is so strong and so blessed that God-willing, nine months later you'll be choosing a name.

Living chastely as a married couple also means outside of the bedroom. It is respecting your spouse for who they are and loving their whole person, not just their bodies. It is guarding your eyes, ears, thoughts, and actions so that nothing would ever poison the sacred love you share with your spouse. It is living married life as God meant it to be lived - filled with love, dignity, and tremendous joy.

Chastity is for the pure of heart.

I am overjoyed when I see teenagers, young adults, and married couples living a life of chastity. It is such an encouragement to me and gives great glory to God, especially in today's world. They are living chastely for God and loving it... but not because it is easy or requires no work. Rather, they are like an athlete in training. It requires hard work, dedication and sacrifice but when the goal is achieved and you have won the race, all the work was worth it. It is the same for living the Christian life.

So to you who are living a chaste life, I say, thank you! You are lights in a world of darkness that desperately needs you! Your chaste life is one of great beauty! You are the hope of other single people who are looking for a holy spouse! You are our inspiration when we see you performing your priestly duties! Your love shines beyond the convent walls! The love you have for your spouse and children are a testimony to men and women throughout society! You all encourage me and countless others. May God bless you and strengthen you, forever!

continued reading:

Chastity Part II: What If the Spirit Is Willing But The Flesh Is Weak?

When I first heard about Hallie Lord's new book Style, Sex, and Substance: 10 Catholic Women Consider the Things that Really Matter I was ecstatic to find that many of my favorite Catholic writers/ bloggers/ moms were contributors. I preordered my book and when it finally arrived I planned to devour it immediately. Unfortunately, family circumstances prevented me from having much free time and when I did have a moment the book was never within reach. Finally I downloaded the book onto my Kindle & iPhone so I could read it anytime I had a spare moment. I'm so glad I did!

When I told a fellow mom the title of the book she was a bit skeptical - "Style and Sex?" Those were not high on her radar at this time of her life. Another single friend didn't consider buying the book since she figured it was only for married moms. In reality, there is something here for every Catholic woman (and as this reviewer shows, Catholic men too!) The authors and topics covered are...

Jennifer Fulwiler - How I Fell Out of My Minivan and Found Myself (Catholic Womanhood)

Hallie Lord - Style: Balance, Beauty, and You

Karen Edmisten - God & Godiva

Elizabeth Duffy - Sex, Passion, and Purity

Anna Mitchell - Single and Seeking God's Plan

Rebecca Ryskind Teti - What Works for You?

Rachel Balducci - Fruitful Friendship

Danielle Bean - We Said Yes (Marriage)

Simcha Fisher - Receiving, Creating, and Letting Go: Motherhood in Body and Soul

Barbara Nicolosi - Plugging In and Embracing Discipleship in the 21st Century

I breezed through the pages loving the sense of humor and honesty displayed but I found myself time and time again stopping and re-reading a sentence because it was as if the Holy Spirit was tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to pay attention to the lesson He was trying to teach me.

Although, I read quickly through the book, it is not sufficient to stop there. I really need to go back and think about the points that stood out to me. There are also excellent discussion questions after each chapter that can be answered alone or within a book club. Because of this I've decided to read the book over and dig a little deeper. For the next few Wednesdays (starting April 18) I'll share with you my thoughts about each chapter. Feel free to read along and share your own thoughts as well.

If you don't already have a copy you can order it at Amazon (paperback or kindle) or enter the RoL Birthday Contest to try and win a copy - along with some other goodies! :-)

As a side note: This book is also a great gift! At the last baby shower I attended I gave the new mama a care package of tea, chocolate and this book. A perfect treat when she finally gets five minutes to herself! ;-)

Have a great day and we'll start our discussion next Wednesday (4/18) with Chapter 1. :-)

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

Walking Zombie - It's Friday morning and I have my little block of morning time to use the computer and write my Quick Takes post but I am feeling like a zombie right now. Matthew went to bed sort of early last night (8 PM) and he decided to wake up at 2 AM ready for playtime. I couldn't get him to quietly go back to sleep so I brought him to the family room before he woke up everyone else. We watched random TV for over an hour. I finally got back to sleep around 4 AM and the 6:30 AM alarm came way too soon. So my mind is in a fog and if I don't make a lot of sense, forgive me.

Golf & God's Creation - This weekend is the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro Am Golf Tournament so the Monterey Peninsula will be super busy. That means only one thing for us - we'll most likely not leave our house except to go to Mass. Lol. Well, we may not be that extreme but we'd rather wait for the crowds to die down. I am glad that we supposed to have nice weather because I always want the people visiting here to enjoy the beauty of God's creation. Not that you can't do that when it is cold and foggy but some of the scenery here is simply breathtaking at that sunny blue sky is the icing on the cake.

Peace be with you, Mr. James - Brian said that people were buzzing at Pebble Beach because they like to get a glimpse at the stars that come out to play the tournament. The closest I've come to seeing a star here was a couple years back when Kevin James sat in front of me at Mass. I remember how he came in a little late and there was an open seat in the pew in front of me. There was a couple sitting at the end of the pew and I don' know if they were oblivious or just rude because he tried to slip in quietly passed them but they didn't lift up the kneeler to make it easier for him. The poor guy stumbled and tried to work his way to his seat (he's not exactly a tiny guy) and finally made it. I had a hard time concentrating at Mass because all I kept thinking about was him in that movie Mall Cop. During the sign of peace I wanted to say, "Peace be with you, Mr. James. Oh and by the way, I think you are such a funny comedic actor..." but I refrained. (He's lucky I didn't have my iphone then or I would have snapped a photo of him and posted it on the blog. ;-) Hmm...is that why my mom sometimes calls me "Bobbi aka TMZ?") Anyway, I will say that I couldn't help but notice that after receiving Communion that he knelt down and closed his eyes and looked really deep in prayer. I did the same and said a little prayer for him as well.

Dogs vs. Babies - It's funny but someone reading this may be thinking that I am so lucky because I live in a gorgeous town with celebrities eager to play golf where Brian works, etc. Yes, I am extremely blessed but there are also crosses in living here. I think the biggest cross is living in a town that bends over backwards to pamper your pooch (doggy spa anyone?) but will give you dirty looks because you dare have more than your 1.2 kids quota. I remember one time we were taking a walk downtown with the kids and I saw another couple pushing a baby stroller. You hardly see babies here so I was excited to pass them and say hi. However, as we got closer and heard a few people commenting on their "little precious" I felt sick to my stomach that it was a dog, not a baby. I tried not to be judgmental. Maybe they wanted kids but can't have any. Brian and I are blessed to have fixed our infertility problems and to now have four lovely children. Sometimes I just wish more people would see it as a blessing and not something to belittle, judge or be rude about.

For This Chica, Nothing Says Love Like Sweet Bread - I was looking at the calendar and noticed that Valentine's in on Tuesday already. I don't know why I was thinking I still had a whole week, not just a couple of days. I guess that means that the east coast cousins will get their Valentine's cards late, again. (Sorry, EL!) Brian and I don't have anything special planned since it is a school night and we already had a wonderful date night last Friday. We'll most likely pray the little ones fall asleep early (But not too early. Those 2AM playdates suck.) and then watch a movie or one of our DVR'd shows. Hmm, maybe I should make him a special dessert... Yes, he has a big sweet tooth. Actually, as I'm typing this I'm thinking I should get him some pan dulce (Mexican sweet bread) and make him some Mexican chocolate. That would be a special treat since we don't get it very often and he loves it. Perfect!

Rachel Rocks. Again. - Speaking of love and Valentine's day, Rachel Balducci at Testosterhome.net has a wonderful post Keep the Love Alive. In fact, I love it so much I'm going to repost it as my last Quick Take. Read. Enjoy. Then go give your hubby a big kiss. ;-)

Keep the Love Alive

This is my weekly column for the Southern Cross, which is something I originally wrote over at Faith and Family Live.

Here's an aside: I feel funny writing about marriage. All I can do is write from my own experience and pray that inspires or encourages someone. But I totally understand that the list I included below is not a one-size-fits-all. There might be a marriage where the wife does everything, the husband does nothing around the house and I'm not suggesting that you just ignore that fact. That all depends on a million other details -- if you feel like things need to change, for instance, it's perfectly healthy and acceptable to address this situation.

So please, if there are areas of your marriage that need attention and help, please don't think for a minute I'm saying you should just work harder and it will all fix itself.
See? It's tricky writing about this stuff -- every single marriage is different and works in different ways. But prayer -- that really is a universal factor we can all utilize to our benefit!

Valentine's Day is just around the corner and that's got me thinking about love. Love is in the air! Chocolates, roses, red wine and crab dip. (That last one might be specific to us?).

But what really keeps the love alive? Flowers and candy are all well and good but a happy marriage they do not make. Yes, they add an extra spark, but no amount of ornamentals can make up for a good foundation--and if you don't have that, the little extras will do very little to help.

In my experience, in my reading and talking and listening about what makes the very best marriages--and in reflecting on the best tools Paul and I have come across--here are my recommendations for what will get you far in your marriage, what will bring you true happiness and love to last a lifetime.

• Quit thinking about how you could improve as a couple. This might sound counter-intuitive, but let me tell you from experience that always looking at the ways your marriage could be closer to your ideal will get you nowhere fast. Yes we want to improve and be the best we can be. But when we're always looking at how other "ideal" couples operate, we only become more aware of our flaws and (worse!) of our spouse's shortcomings.

• On that note, Don't Compare. Don't look at the great job your best friend's man does of taking out the trash, especially if that's something your own husband isn't quick to do. Trust me, for every two really amazing things her husband does, your own husband has at least that many good qualities--but most likely in totally different areas. Stop finding fault and start finding favor.

• Respect your husband. A few years ago I heard a talk by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs, based on his book Love and Respect. The book spells out a very basic premise: men want to be respected, women want to be loved. This revolutionized our marriage. Too long had I been giving my husband all kinds of helpful "tips" and "advice" on a variety on topics, only to end each conversation with "I love you baby." What a husband would rather hear is "I respect you" and oftentimes the best way we can do this is to be supportive and encouraging. Thank your man for how hard he works for your family. Don't tell him how he could do better.

• Don't keep score. Don't keep track. Today you grocery shopped and cleaned the house and took care of the kids and did homework with them and trained them and took care of the dog. What did your husband do? Well, it doesn't matter. Maybe he did ten times more. Or ten times less. The minute you start keeping track of who did what, things are going downhill. Give until it hurts. And then give a little more. The key to a happy marriage is not 50/50. It's 100 percent ON YOUR PART. And not worrying about how much your spouse is giving. If every married person woke up each morning and asked himself (or herself) "what can I do to make my spouse's life better today?" can you imagine what a wonderful world it would be?

• Pray together. Even if it's three minutes, holding hands as you fall asleep, spend time as a couple in prayer. If your spouse isn't comfortable praying with you, then pray for your spouse. Prayer and personal holiness is at the heart of so much good in every situation. Pray for patience. Pray for more love. Pray for the ability to love your spouse extravagantly.

While these tips might not be the full solution for every marriage, they can do a world of good for those of us who can too easily get sucked into the dangerous self-centered seasons of keeping score. Don't do it! The person who suffers the most is YOU.
Dying to self is the best way to keep the love alive.

Well, for being so tired I guess I had more to say than I thought. Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful weekend!!

xoxo,
B.

Happy New Year! We are back in town, back to school, back to work and I'm back at my computer. I have a house full of Christmas decor that needs to be packed, suitcase that need to be unpacked, and huge messes wherever you look. The thought of tackling all that does not sound too appealing so for the moment I am going to make the posts I was supposed to do last week! This should have been posted 12/30/11 but I didn't make it online until now. Oh, well. ;-)

It's funny that the top three most popular posts this year all had to do with Brian and I meeting, dating and marrying. I guess we are all suckers for a love story. It is also no surprise that the top three were all initiated by blogging queen and fashionista Betty Beguiles. So kick up your heels (or flats, in my case) and enjoy!

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

Heart of Gratitude: Day 1 & The Email That Started It All (Engagement - Synopsis Version)

It's been so busy lately that I hardly have any time online to blog or catch up on my google reader. I had a few moments this morning and I saw that Hailey started a "Heart of Gratitude" 14-day challenge for your husband. I looked at the date to see when it started and I realized it was today, November 9th, which is a special date for me and Brian.

It was thirteen years ago on November 1 when a young man left the seminary after a year and a half stay. He had discerned that it wasn't his vocation and felt God calling him to a new chapter of his life. He thought about marriage but he had dated before and it never really worked out. He recalled reading about a new Catholic online dating service (AMSCOL) and gave them a try, filling out their questionnaire that day. Later he knelt before God and humbly poured out his heart. He told God that if he was called to the vocation of marriage, then God would have to place the girl on his doorstep. With a resolved sigh, he began the first day of his novena trusting that it was all in the hands of Our Lord and Our Lady. (Continue reading...)

Our Engagement Story: An Answer to Prayer (Longer Version)

Yesterday Hallie at Betty Beguiles had the great idea of asking bloggers to post their engagement stories. It was so much fun to go back to my old journals and read about our early months together. Sometimes it's easy to forget the romance when you are dealing with the every day busyness of raising little ones. It was a good reminder that Brian and I need to carve out a little alone time no matter how busy. I don't have time to write out the story (I'm typing with one hand and holding a restless baby with the other) so instead I'll just repost the story of our "courtship" which includes our engagement. Brian and wrote this together so you'll get his side of the story too. (Also, after we were married I found the notes Brian used write down what he wanted to say when he proposed. I was so happy to find that because in the emotion of the moment I don't think my mind was registering all the beautiful words he was saying to me. Now that they are in my scrapbook I can go back and relive them word for word. )

Now, on with the story...

BOBBI: In my late twenties, it started to become the family joke that if I was not married the age of thirty then I was going to pack my bags, move to Zimbabwe, live with the natives and die for a noble cause! (Okay, so I was a little dramatic.) Time was ticking and I was trying to grow closer to God and accept my singleness at the moment. My younger sister Elena suggested I try the website Single Catholics Online (now known as Ave Maria SCOL). I laughed at the idea, insisting that I was not desperate enough to look for a good Catholic husband on some dating service! She gave me that knowing look, smiled and walked out of the room saying, "Instead of crying about wanting a husband, get to work and check it out." How does she know me so well? (Continue reading...)

Betty's Wedding Dress Round-Up

Betty at Betty Beguiles.com asked bloggers to share about their wedding dress and if they still loved it or wished they had done things differently.

When I was prepping for my wedding and looking for a dress I was a little worried since I hated wearing dresses to begin with and I'm a plus size and didn't have as many choices as other brides-to-be. I remember my sister BC and I were shopping in Orange County and we decided to stop into a bridal store just to see styles and prices. After looking at the stick-thin girls and big price tags, I felt really out of place and didn't stay very long. Shortly after, my family moved to the Calif high dessert where it was more "cowboy country" than we were used to. I was driving with JC, another one of my sisters, and we came across a local wedding boutique. It looked more home-town humble than high-class snooty so we stopped to take a look.

The sales lady was really nice and brought out some dresses in my size. The first one I tried on confirmed all my fears. It had a "western" look to it and in it I looked like a big, white marshmallow cowboy bride. I looked over at my sister who was in the dressing room with me and we bust out laughing. Not quiet-giggles laughing but the I'm-going-to-wet-my-pants-if-I-don't-stop laughing. The sales woman came over and asked if anything was wrong. I bit my tongue hard enough to make myself calm down and told her that we were fine. I quickly changed and after a few more tries we came across a dress with an empire waist and I loved the way it looked and fit. I looked at the price tag and even the discounted $800 was more than I could really afford. But at least I now knew that there was a dress style that would work on me and not send me into hysterics.(Continue reading...)

Those Perfect Catholic Moms Are Killing Me

I recently added a number of new blogs into my google reader and I'm sifting through them to see which ones I'll read regularly and which ones are good but not where I am in life.

The first ones to go are the blogs that depress me. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that have countless posts by talented moms showing their beautiful gardens, their homemade baked goods and home cooked meals, their hand sewn clothes, and their Catholic craft of the day. I can take these in small doses but not all the time. Like I said, it depresses me.

And it's not their fault. It's mine. I just can't seem to follow their lead. I've tried to garden. Truly, I have. In fact, just a few months ago I decided to start again but to keep it simple. No veggies or elaborate flower beds. Instead I have two simple window boxes of flowers and three herbs - basil, Italian parsley and cilantro. I was doing really well but as usual I forgot to water and not just once or twice but for days. Yesterday I went outside to check on my herbs and lo and behold, I'm the only person on my block to have a garden of dried herbs. (Dried... dead... is there really much difference?) Yeah, so gardens and I don't do so well. (Continue reading...)

Operation Clean & Organize: Vol 1

I've discussed in a number of previous posts (like here and here) about my battle with keeping a clean and organized house. I'm naturally messy and the amount of work I have to do to clean up and organize our house is overwhelming. However, it's a project I want to undertake because it's important to me. I think there is some truth to the saying "cleanliness is next to godliness." Someone once told me that a person's exterior life reflects their interior life. I don't know if that is true but I do know that after awhile I get tired, frustrated and grouchy with all the piles of papers and junk and disorganized areas of the house. A house with little kids will never look like a museum - and never should - but I could definitely use a little more order in my life and I know the difference it makes.

When I do clean up an area and have it organized it makes my life run a little bit smoother. (Who can't use that?!) I am more at peace and feel that I am better accomplishing my mission in life - to raise a happy family and make our home a little taste of heaven on earth as we work towards entering our eternal home. It is my small way of showing God that I love him - to put aside my natural messy tendencies and find the orderly and creative woman I know is lurking in there somewhere. (Continue reading...)

Catholic Baby Shower Ideas

I've updated our main website Revolution of Love.com with ideas for a Catholic Baby Shower. I thought I'd post the prayers, activities and gift ideas on the blog as well.

The First Joyful Mystery: The Annunciation

The angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph. The angel said to Mary, "Hail full of grace! The Lord is with you. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:26-29, 38)

Blessed Mother, through your humility and obedience God's plan of salvation was put into motion by a simple "yes." May (NAME) be given the grace to say yes to God in the small and big things of her life, so that she, too, may participate in God's plan of salvation through her vocation as a wife and mother. (Continue reading...)

10 Year Anniversary: Where Were You on 9/11?

When I was younger I used to always wonder why people would ask "Where were you when Kennedy died?" I didn't get what the big deal was. Now when someone asks me "Where were you on 9/11?" I understand perfectly what they were talking about. On 9/11 I was no where near NY. I was living in Pacific Grove, CA with Brian. I was almost 8 months pregnant with Bella. I woke up to kiss Brian goodbye for work and he told me I had better check the news because he saw online that there was news of a terrorist attack.

When I turned on the TV, I first thought a single terrorist flew his own plane into the Twin Towers. Then a realized a regular commercial flight with innocent people on board were made into human bombs. And not just one flight - many of them. I kept thinking that the Twin Tower workers probably never saw it coming but the people on the plane were aware and watching it unfold. I was dumbstruck until all I could do was sob. (Even now its hard to hold back the tears when I think about it.) I don't think I ever got off the couch that day as I watched and cried. Brian came home and eventually made me turn off the TV so I'd stop thinking about it. (Continue reading...)

It's been so busy lately that I hardly have any time online to blog or catch up on my google reader. I had a few moments this morning and I saw that Hailey started a "Heart of Gratitude" 14-day challenge for your husband. I looked at the date to see when it started and I realized it was today, November 9th, which is a special date for me and Brian.

It was thirteen years ago on November 1 when a young man left the seminary after a year and a half stay. He had discerned that it wasn't his vocation and felt God calling him to a new chapter of his life. He thought about marriage but he had dated before and it never really worked out. He recalled reading about a new Catholic online dating service (AMSCOL) and gave them a try, filling out their questionnaire that day. Later he knelt before God and humbly poured out his heart. He told God that if he was called to the vocation of marriage, then God would have to place the girl on his doorstep. With a resolved sigh, he began the first day of his novena trusting that it was all in the hands of Our Lord and Our Lady.

Meanwhile, a young girl (although she felt old at the time) was ready to give up on finding "the one." A month earlier she took one last ditch effort and joined a new Catholic online dating service (AMSCOL) She wrote a few guys but it was just friendly. Then she saw a new post from a young guy that recently left the seminary. His profile answers made him sound like a funny, holy, incredible man of God. She knew it had to be a fake. She wanted to write him but felt he was way too holy and good for her. Instead she printed out 7 or 8 profiles of guys she considered writing. She took them to her sis and asked her which she should write. Her sis looked them over and handed back the profile of the young man and said, "Write him."

So on November 9, 1998, the last day of the young man's novena, the young girl wrote him her first email. God placed the young girl on the virtual doorstep of the young man. Thirteen years and four kids later, despite the ups and downs of married life and parenthood, they are still hopelessly in love. (To read the longer version of this story, you can go here.)

You know, when I was dating Brian, my mom would always half-jokingly say that "he has to be a saint to put up with Bobbi..." Like I was some kind of volatile, overly emotional crazy girl. (I can hear my sisters saying, "Shocker.") Seriously, I'm not that bad but Brian does put up a lot with me. Let's face it, girls in general are complicated and each brings their own brand of crazy into the mix. So I'm all for showing my hubby some gratitude for being the incredible man that he is. And I think it's providential to begin on the anniversary of the email that started it all!

Let the gratitude begin!

Day 1: A Day of Prayer.

I was so excited to hear that one of my favorite bloggers, Hailey at Betty Beguiles, has a new book coming out in spring. It is titled Style, Sex, and Substance: 10 Catholic Women Consider the Things that Really Matter and features many of my favorite Catholic female writers, including Simcha Fisher, Danielle Bean, Rachel Balducci, Betty Duffy, Jennifer Fulwiler, Rebecca Teti, Karen Edmisten, Anna Mitchell and Barbara Nicolosi. How cool is that?

Here is a summary of the book.

In Style, Sex, and Substance: 10 Catholic Women Consider the Things that Really Matter, ten of the top Catholic female writers come together to offer tips, encouragement, and a bit of humor for their sisters in the trenches of daily life. From the difficulties of fitting in prayer time to the impact that lots of babies have on intimacy to the unique challenges of the single life, each author digs deep into the issues that real Catholic women think about. With the tone of a group of gals gathered around a bottle of wine, it is sure to be a hit with all Catholic women, whether they need practical tips in areas in which they struggle, words of encouragement, or just a bit of entertainment after a long day.

Although the book will be released in March, preorders are available at Amazon today. You can get in line after me. ;-)

This is getting posted all over but it is so beautiful it is worth posting again. It brought tears to my eyes. With so many marriages falling apart, it is a beautiful reminder of two hearts living as one.

Couple Married 72 Years Dies One Hour Apart, Holding Hands

October 20, 2011 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Does true love exist? According to the children of one elderly couple that died this past week, it does, and their parents had it.

Gordon Yeager, 94, and his wife Norma, 90, were married for 72 years, reports ABC News. But their life together was destined to come to an abrupt end on Wednesday after they were involved in a car accident together.

The couple was brought to a local hospital with broken bones and other injuries. ABC reports that after it became obvious that the couple were not going to recover, they were placed together in a bed, where they lay holding hands.

Even then, says their son, Dennis Yeager, the couple's concern was only for each other.

"She was saying her chest hurt and what's wrong with Dad? Even laying there like that, she was worried about Dad," he said. "And his back was hurting and he was asking about Mom."

Gordon died at 3:38. But people in the room at the time say they were confused when Gordon stopped breathing, but his heart monitor continued to pick up a heartbeat. That was when they realized that the monitor was detecting Norma's heartbeat, through their clasped hands.

"And we thought, 'Oh my gosh, Mom's heart is beating through him,'" Dennis Yeager said.

Norma died an hour later.

"Dad used to say that a woman is always worth waiting for," Dennis Yeager said. "Dad waited an hour for her and held the door for her."

Read more at ABC News here.

WARNING: More NFP talk. Skip it if it's not your thing. ;-)

I was searching through the Faith & Family blog in the NFP section to see if there was a post with readers tips on how to manage long periods of abstinence during irregular cycles. I didn't find one but I did find this article from the magazine published back in 2009. I vaguely remember reading it back then but it didn't make much of an impression because we weren't having a big problem with the abstinence back then. But now that we are still going for weeks of carrying this cross, it meant a lot more to me this time around.

Some of the suggestions are moot points because I don't do or already do the things mentioned but others were good reminders to me. And I must say that some points like sharing my struggle and "appealing to his protective side" really works in for us, knowing that we are in this together. Here is the article so you can read it for yourself.

Hidden Hardships, Secret Struggles by Simcha Fisher

Couples who use natural family planning (NFP) are happier, more satisfied, and more faithful than their contracepting peers. Each month, they enjoy a deliriously romantic "honeymoon effect." Men spend fertile phases chastely courting their wives, who eagerly await the end of the day on infertile days so that they can joyously give of themselves to their husbands.

Just like at your house, right?

Or maybe it's more like this: You love each other, but your intimate life is kind of a mess. You refuse contraception out of obedience to Church teaching, and you truly believe that natural family planning is better than those awful chemicals everyone else uses anyway. You're doing everything right, but having no fun at all. Your husband is angry, you're resentful, and the whole thing has somehow become an aching knot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. When you read the glowing reports of the marriage-building benefits of natural family planning, they o­ nly make you laugh.

How natural is that?

Well, the truth is that the marriage-building benefits of remaining faithful to Church teaching are real. They are attainable. It's just that you have to work hard to get them.

I asked some everyday Catholic husbands to take off their rosy pre-Cana glasses and answer this question: How can wives make NFP easier for their husbands?

What they told me might surprise you. As this is a sensitive topic, the men who have contributed to this article have done so anonymously. Here are some of their suggestions ...

***How to Help -- On Days of Abstinence***

Don't mock the poor guy.

If your husband is suffering, don't mock or shrug off his difficulty. What kind of communication from him would you hate to lose? Talking? Hugging? Hearing him speak your name? Now imagine being teased or belittled for missing it. Don't do that to your husband, even if you can't see why it's so hard for him to abstain.

One man explained: "It is the perceived indifference to our plight, and even mockery of it, that cuts men to the quick."

Another husband observed: "One of the huge problems for a guy is that, if his wife can't understand and respect his struggle in this particular sacrifice, then who can? Society and the media are bombarding us with ridicule of men and the ways they commonly receive love, while telling us all to value and respect women's needs. In answer to this dilemma, guys are simply told to 'deal with it' in private, or to 'offer it up' in Catholic circles."

And another: "The times I've done the best are when my wife has shared with me how proud she is that I am trying, how much it means to her that I love her enough to do this, and that she gets how tough it is. Times when she is empathetic to my struggle. Those efforts on her part are an incredible source of strength."

Spend time together.

This is a skill. Cultivating other kinds of intimacy can actually make abstaining less painful, as well as enhancing sex.

Plan a date: dinner, a movie, or a TV night. Or turn off the TV (and all other screens), and work together, go for a walk together, or have tea together. You don't even have to leave the house, as long you spend some time focused only on each other, without the kids, a few times a week. Plan ahead to make sure it happens. Hiding from one another, even with good intentions, is poison for a marriage.

One husband said:

"I have to say that the only success I've had is when instead of pulling away, I enter the breach and work on the relationship and intimacy just when the tension is highest. Does this make times of abstinence easy? Well, yes and no. It was still challenging, but all the bitterness and angst I usually associate with abstinence was mostly missing. And the closeness I was feeling to my wife, well that was a really wonderful thing. The tension of abstaining was still there fairly regularly, but the intimacy from other sources made the pill sweet rather than bitter to swallow."

Talk about your own desire, and ask for his help.

When you are abstaining, let him know that you wish you could be intimate (and some husbands say it's okay to exaggerate a bit); and appeal to his protective side.

One husband explained: "Emotionally, it's reassuring to know that you're interested. Also, it can serve to deflect a man's thoughts from himself to how he can help his wife. To be honest, abstaining is no pleasure, but how much more difficult must it be that the period of abstaining, for a woman, comes when her body is most geared up. Turning a man's thoughts from self-pity to self-donation can only be for the good."

Don't tempt him.

Don't start something you're not willing to finish. Find out what really gets him going, and don't do that, if you're supposed to be abstaining. It may help to make a list together of dos and don'ts.

***How to Help -- When Abstinence Is Over***

Just do it.

I know, you're tired. But give the guy a break -- he's your husband, not some jerk at a bar. Even if it wasn't in your plans, be intimate as often as you can on the available part of the month. He shouldn't have to beg.

It may seem like it's only exhaustion or hormonal problems that are squelching your drive, but a lack of physical desire can also come from emotional distress. If you work to improve the relationship, your desire may increase.

Prepare.

Don't pick infertile days for your most enormous, tiring projects. On days where you can be intimate, let your days be geared toward the evening and your husband. As much as possible, plan your schedule accordingly, and don't stay up too late the night before.

Some men appreciate a clean bedroom, and many women get in the mood when they feel beautiful. Have your hair done, get a manicure, or (dare I say it?) buy some fancy underwear. Whatever makes you feel beautiful and desirable!

***How to Help -- Anytime***

Spruce up.

None of the men I talked to said, "I wish my wife were younger and thinner." But they did say they like it when their wives dress up a little for them. If you put on earrings or a clean shirt to go out shopping, then you can do it for your husband on a regular basis, too.

Do nice things for him.

Maybe you feel like you already do nice things. You cook for his tastes, you wash his clothes, you bear his children ... what more could he want?

Well, he wants to know that you like him.

Find out what makes your husband happy, and do something extra for him each day. Cook something special, give him a sweet note or unexpected compliment, or jump up to get him seconds on coffee. When he gets home, stop what you're doing and make a fuss over him. It's not June Cleaver; it's love.

Communicate clearly.

Let him know as early as you can what the daily fertility status is. If you have determined that use of natural family planning is God's will for your marriage right now, take it seriously! Chart flawlessly. If your beloved is going to be annoyed, let it be at the system, not at you.

Pray together.

Pray together every day, and state your intentions out loud. This can be one of the most breathtakingly intimate activities of your married life. If you regularly pray together for a more chaste and joyful intimate life, then God will surely give it to you.

And privately pray for your husband's happiness daily. You may find yourself becoming the answer to that prayer.

But Enough About Him

What about you? You're the one who has to chart, menstruate, gestate, and lactate, not to mention clean the bathroom. Never mind helping your husband -- what about the ways he can make natural family planning easier for you?

Well, there are two reasons that list isn't here.

The first reason is that I'm pretty sure you already have your own list. If there is something you want your husband to know, for heaven's sake tell him; he can't read your mind. Often, it's misunderstandings that cause trouble, not malice. It's okay to insist on having some conversations about how your husband can help you, as long as you're ready to hear his side, too.

The second reason to focus more on what you can do to help is the "unitive" part of your love life. That's no hype: It's what intimacy is about, and it's just as important as making babies.

Your husband's problems are your problems, and his happiness will likely lead to your happiness, maybe in unexpected ways. Bad sex comes from bad relationships, not vice versa.

Even if you aren't getting along, and you wish he would treat you better, force yourself to take the first step -- treat him a little better, and see where it leads.

Try presenting it to him this way: "I want to have a better, more active intimate life with you. Can we go over these ideas?"

Hand him this article and ask him which suggestions sound good. Maybe none will, but at least you will be talking about it. Each man is unique, but every couple is the same in one way -- they really must talk about these things.

Hope, Not Hype

The truth is, all the hype about natural family planning is true. The benefits are real; it's just that they're not inevitable. It takes practice, and it takes effort to gain them. You probably will get an awful lot wrong before you get it all right. But if you do make the effort, you will be rewarded with a stronger marriage, a more satisfying intimate life, and a whole lot of help toward greater holiness along the way.

And that is something I'd like to see mentioned in the natural family planning manuals.

Simcha Fisher lives with her husband and seven children in Marl­ borough, New Hampshire, where they confront the mystery of life daily.

If you regularly pray for a more chaste and joyful intimate life, then God will surely give it to you.

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary.

It's been nearly eight years since I've had this blog and it is about time I do some maintenance on it! I've been going through old posts and deleting all the ones with dead links and updating the others with tags. It's amazing going back and reading where I was so many years ago. It's a great walk down memory lane.

I also added LinkWithin. However, as the system is getting used to my blog, it is suggesting posts with dead links that have since been deleted. So I apologize if you click on a page that won't open. Hopefully I'll get the bugs worked out soon.

Speaking of memory lane, this morning/afternoon we were at Bella's school for Grandparents Day. There's a special Mass, a class visit and then each class does a little presentation. It is so funny to see Bella and her friends and how much they've grown. They are getting out of that little kid stage and getting closer to tweens. I remember when they were in kindergarten doing their little songs up there and now they are 4th graders making their presentations. Time goes too fast!

To prove it, here is a shot of Bella in kindergarten and Bella today.

I don't know if I want to get into this, but since it has been on my mind a lot, Quick Take # 5-7 are rolled into one. (TMI Alert: skip this take if you don't want to read about fertility, cycles and sex, or lack of it.)

I was talking to my NFP teacher last night. She has been helping Brian and I get through a rough patch in our NFP charting. She told me to let her know how things are going in the next couple weeks and then jokingly said that maybe she could tell by the tone of my blog...but probably not seems it is usually pretty upbeat or positive or whatever the exact word was that she used. I've been thinking about that. The last time I wrote about NFP was a couple years after Brian and I were married. Since then I've had a love-hate relationship with NFP. When my cycle is "normal," it is great but when it's not, it's a lot tougher.

After Matthew was born my cycle has been really crazy which has required a lot of abstinence...for weeks....and weeks...and weeks with no end in sight. I'm really struggling with being faithful to the church's teaching and having to die to myself again and again. Normally, I would not mention something so personal and private in a public place especially since it doesn't just involve me. (But if you are reading this now, then Brian gave me the okay to post this.) I decided to mention this topic because over the summer Danielle Bean wrote Five Ways I Don't Love NFP and shared about her concerns and Jennifer Fulwiler gave her take in Bad at NFP and Proud. Their words were encouraging to me and I discussed the topics they brought up with Brian. They gave us that little boost we needed to hang in there and know that there are others who love God, love their Catholic faith and are trying to be open to new life yet are struggling with some of the challenges of NFP. So if by chance you are one of those people struggling, hang in there. We're in this together. I'll say a prayer for you. Please say a prayer for me.

Later I'll write a longer post about what I've learned about NFP over the years and what I do love about it. But right now, I am not in the right frame of mind because the only title I can think of is "NFP Sucks, but I'm Using It Anyway." ;-)

(UPDATE: Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest. It is days later and although we are still waiting, God's grace has increased and we are resolved to wait it out as best as we can. We are praying that it draws us closer to God and to each other in the end. I have to remember the motto I use during the difficult newborn months, "And this too shall pass.")

Okay, that's it for this week. Have a great weekend!

Yesterday Hallie at Betty Beguiles had the great idea of asking bloggers to post their engagement stories. It was so much fun to go back to my old journals and read about our early months together. Sometimes it's easy to forget the romance when you are dealing with the every day busyness of raising little ones. It was a good reminder that Brian and I need to carve out a little alone time no matter how busy.

I don't have time to write out the story (I'm typing with one hand and holding a restless baby with the other) so instead I'll just repost the story of our "courtship" which includes our engagement. Brian and wrote this together so you'll get his side of the story too.

Also, after we were married I found the notes Brian used write down what he wanted to say when he proposed. I was so happy to find that because in the emotion of the moment I don't think my mind was registering all the beautiful words he was saying to me. Now that they are in my scrapbook I can go back and relive them word for word.

Now, on with the story...

BOBBI: In my late twenties, it started to become the family joke that if I was not married the age of thirty then I was going to pack my bags, move to Zimbabwe, live with the natives and die for a noble cause! (Okay, so I was a little dramatic.) Time was ticking and I was trying to grow closer to God and accept my singleness at the moment. My younger sister Elena suggested I try the website Single Catholics Online (now known as Ave Maria SCOL). I laughed at the idea, insisting that I was not desperate enough to look for a good Catholic husband on some dating service! She gave me that knowing look, smiled and walked out of the room saying, "Instead of crying about wanting a husband, get to work and check it out." How does she know me so well?

I immediately logged onto the site...just for fun of course. I was amazed at what I saw. It was not a "dating service" as I imagined but a cyber community of like-minded faithful Catholics who desired to live a life of holiness in the vocation of marriage. The extensive questionnaire alone was enough to allow me to find out more about each man's likes and beliefs than weeks of "surface dating." I also liked the fact that you had to pay a fee to use the site, knowing that the required time and effort would tend to attract more serious Catholics.

I decided to take the plunge but I waited a few days for October 13th on the anniversary date of Fatima's Miracle of the Sun. I knew that finding the right guy was going to take Our Lady's intervention and the Miracle of the SON. For the next couple of weeks I browsed through the profiles and met a few nice guys but nothing serious. Then it happened. A new member named Brian posted his profile and although he didn't have his photo up yet his answers immediately caught my attention. He seemed perfect for me! In fact, he seemed too good to be true and I thought to myself, this guy must be a phony; either he is a fake, writing from a prison cell, or he's real and should be in the seminary!

I couldn't find the nerve to write him so I printed out the top 7 or 8 profiles of guys that I thought best matched what I was looking for. Out of all those guys I knew Brian was my top choice but I still feared that he seemed "too good" for me. I went back to my sister Elena and gave her the stack of profiles I printed. I told her that I planned to start writing one of them but I wanted her to choose the one that would fit me. She came back with Brian's profile and said, "Write him." That was enough confirmation for me. I took a deep breath and composed a short email that would open the opportunity for conversation yet was still ambiguous enough for him to not respond if he didn't want to.

BRIAN: On November 1st, the feast of All Saints, I was on my way to the Monterey Peninsula. That day I left the seminary after a year and a half stay. I realized it was not my vocation and God called me to start a new chapter of my life.

Previously, while reading Catholic publications in the seminary library, I came across an article about a Catholic single's organization called "Single Catholics Online" (now Ave Maria SCOL). I read the article and felt encouraged that someone was trying to establish a forum over the internet where single Catholics could contact one another and find a potential spouse. When I decided to leave the seminary I thought about marriage but did not know where to turn in regards to finding a spouse who was orthodox, wanted a family, and desired to raise children in a Catholic environment. All of a sudden SCOL came to mind and I decided to give the website a shot.

The day I left the seminary is the same day I filled out the questionnaire on the SCOL website. I started a novena to God that night praying that He would help me find the right spouse. I also promised God that I would not write anyone, but only respond to those individuals who wrote me first. I thought it was the best way to assure that this was God's will and not my own. On the ninth day of the novena Bobbi wrote me. Her initial e-mail was short and at first I was not sure if I should respond. But after thinking it over for a day I responded and so began our friendship. We e-mailed one another frequently and our relationship began to blossom.

BOBBI: I was at work when I received Brian's first email and it was so kind and funny that I had to refrain from jumping around the room with glee. I had gotten lots of emails but I knew in my gut that there was something different about this guy and that he would be significant in my life. Also realizing that I didn't want to be rash, I went to Adoration on my lunch break and consecrated to Jesus my new friendship with Brian and asked Our Lord and Our Lady to guide me every step of the way.

Over the next five months Brian and I shared countless emails, letters and letter-tapes until Brian finally felt it was time to talk on the phone. (I, being the more impulsive of the two, was ready to talk to him after the first few weeks but Brian felt we should pray and take matters more slowly. God was teaching me patience AGAIN! )

BRIAN: On March 4th, the feast of St. Casimir, I called Bobbi and we spoke over the phone for the first time. I was nervous when I called and I could tell Bobbi was a little nervous as well. Though I can't remember what we talked about I do remember thinking that the conversation went well. We decided that on April 16th, the feast of St. Benedict Labre, we would meet for the first time. I would fly from Monterey, CA to LAX to Ontario, CA where Bobbi was to pick me up.

BOBBI: The day finally arrived and I paced the airport terminal with butterflies in my stomach. This was no ordinary "meeting a friend." After all the months of revealing our deepest selves to one another through pen, computer and phone, I was 99% sure that Brian was the man I was to marry, but I had to talk to him face to face to be completely sure.

BRIAN: I remember being extremely nervous when I got off the plane. Bobbi told me that she would be wearing a miraculous medal and a medal of the Holy Family so I wouldn't miss her. We met and briefly hugged, talked a little and headed out to Bobbi's parish. When we arrived at the parish Bobbi and I went inside the quiet little Church and prayed the holy rosary together. It was beautiful praying the rosary with Bobbi for it gave me the opportunity to see her put her faith into practice. It became a pattern for us to start off each visit on a spiritual note by praying the rosary, attending Mass or practicing some other devotion.

BOBBI: After beginning our weekend in prayer I took Brian home to meet my family. I knew the biggest test was to come - passing "Mom Inspection." When we arrived at my house my mom looked out the window just as Brian was going up the walkway. She had been praying earnestly for my future husband and she told me later that when she saw Brian for the first time her "heart leapt." She knew he was the man God had chosen for me. Needless to say, he passed inspection from my parents with flying colors.

Afterwards Brian and I headed to Oceanside to visit the Prince of Peace Abbey where we walked the grounds and attended Vespers. Afterwards we drove to the beach to watch the sunset. Unfortunately the clouds were not cooperating and covered the majority of the sky. However, we found an old log on the beach and sat there talking and marveling how wonderful it was to finally be together. Just then we looked out towards the ocean and saw the clouds slowly separate to reveal the most breathtaking sunset that filled the sky with gorgeous shades of golden red. It was as if God was giving His final blessing on the most wonderful day of my life. I felt like I was watching a movie - it all seemed so unreal. (In fact, had this been a movie I would have complained, "Fake! Stuff like this doesn't happen in REAL life!") But this WAS real...I sat there next to Brian with my heart completely full. I looked at him and was struck deeply because I knew he was the one man I had been waiting for all my life.

BRIAN: The weekend Bobbi and I spent together was awesome! Not only did I get to meet Bobbi's family but we also tried to cram as much as we could into the weekend. We attended a small Marian conference, went out to dinner, enjoyed the beach, and visited a state park. Every minute was wonderful and the whole visit was a true blessing. However, the weekend went by too quickly. Before I knew it Bobbi and I were heading back to the airport so I could catch a plane back to Monterey. It was very hard to say good-bye because I was saying good-bye to my best friend. I shed a few tears as I got on the plane, but realized that Bobbi and I would soon be together again. In four weeks Bobbi would come visit me.

BOBBI: After an incredible weekend, it was finally time to say our good-byes. A few hours before arriving at the airport I talked to Brian about our friendship and how it was developing. Ever cautious, he said that he cared for me but didn't know what the future held. I understood that he wanted to go slowly and that he was just not as emotionally attached to me as I was to him. I knew he would get to the same level I was at, but I had to be patient. Knowing this helped me control myself at the airport so I could hug Brian good-bye without shedding a tear. However, I was taken aback when I saw that it was Brian, not I, who was shedding tears. He walked away and as he looked back I could see that it pained him to leave me. Later Brian told me that as he sat in the plane to go home he suddenly realized that he did not want to live his life without me and that he loved me. It was after that first airport goodbye that we reached the same emotional level.

The next few months were filled with a tremendous amount of joy and new love, as well as pain from being separated by 400 miles. As difficult as it was we knew that Our Lord and Our Lady had brought us together and that they would also give us the strength to endure a long distance relationship. I had read somewhere that love is like a spark of fire and that distance from the one you love will either extinguish that spark or set it ablaze. For us, it united our hearts even closer. We were able to truly appreciate what we found in each other because we were constantly reminded of what it was like without each other. However, by the time summer approached we had to face the fact that as our love deepened for one another the separation was causing emotional havoc. Something had to be done.

BRIAN: In the beginning, this pattern of visiting one another every 4 to 6 weeks worked out, but as I started to fall deeper in love with Bobbi our separation became more difficult. On one of her visits Bobbi raised the question of marriage. I must admit I was a bit shocked since I thought it would be some time before we would get engaged. That weekend I thought about what Bobbi had said and decided that she was right. I loved her and I knew we would get married. Plus our separation was taking a great toll on both of us. It was time to get engaged!

After telling my parents, who were both surprised and a little shocked, about my decision to get engaged to Bobbi we made plans to get married in December. On my following visit to So. California I asked Bobbi's parents permission to marry her. I remember being very nervous, but I told them how much I loved their daughter and how I wanted to marry her. They gave me their blessing and permission to marry Bobbi - tears and joy followed. I proposed to Bobbi under the moon and stars. When Bobbi said "yes", I slipped the ring on her finger. We were engaged!

BOBBI: That night I felt like I was walking in a dream. After Brian asked my parents permission we went outside to look at the beautiful starry night. Brian went down on one knee and professed his undying love for me. Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought to myself, how in the world could I have been so blessed to have the love of this wonderful man? (I still get tears just writing about it...) I said yes and hugged Brian as he slipped the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen on my hand. There in the moonlight we held one another thanking God for His mercy and goodness in bringing our lives together.

BRIAN: The following day Bobbi and I attended Mass with her family. During the Mass we had our engagement blessed in a beautiful ceremony. (As a side note - for those of you who are engaged, I highly recommend that you have your engagement blessed). Preparations for the wedding were made during the fall and winter months. One of my assignments was to find a priest to marry us. On September 13th, the anniversary of the Blessed Virgin's fifth visit to the Shepherd children of Fatima, Fr. Ryan celebrated the evening Mass at Carmel Mission. When I saw him come from the sacristy and stand behind the altar I knew at that instant that he would marry us. After Mass I asked Fr. Ryan if he would marry Bobbi and I. He kindly said "yes". The following week I secured the Carmel Mission Basilica for December 28th, the feast of the Holy Innocents. The Basilica was free the entire day so instead of choosing a morning time I chose 3 PM, the hour of Divine Mercy.

BOBBI: Living 400 miles away from the wedding site made matters a little harder to plan but thankfully Brian's mom took on the job of coordinating the entire reception. A week and a half before the actual event my parents helped me move all my things to Carmel. It was a bittersweet feeling. I rejoiced at the new life I was going to start with Brian, but at the same time it pained me to say goodbye to my family. Luckily the last minute preparations for the wedding kept my mind occupied for the time being.

BRIAN: The night before the wedding we had our rehearsal and then we went out to dinner with our families and the wedding party. We ate at a Swiss restaurant and had fondue; everyone had a wonderful time and our families enjoyed one another's company. After the rehearsal dinner Bobbi and I said goodnight and we both went our separate ways for the last time.

BOBBI: The day of our wedding finally arrived. As I stood dressed in my bridal gown with the long train and veil, I felt like a princess about to marry her prince. It was the strangest feeling...as if I was walking through a dream. I remember standing at the side door of the Carmel Mission and listening to the procession music start. Soon I was walking down the aisle on the arm of my father. I had to hold back the tears as he led me to Brian and then placed my hand into his. I kissed my Dad on the cheek knowing that he was happy for me but also sad to let his "little girl" go.

I looked over to Brian and his eyes were brimming with joy and love. My own heart was brimming...not only because I was about to marry Brian but also in thanksgiving to God for showering his mercy upon me and for answering my prayers above and beyond my imagination. There had been a time not too long ago when I thought that I'd never find the man of my dreams but on this day I married him. Together we vowed our love, standing no longer as two, but as one. I don't think the day could have gone more beautifully or could have touched me more deeply.

BRIAN: On December 28, 1999 Bobbi and I got married at the Carmel Mission. I will never forget the day. The sky was crystal blue and it must have been about 75 degrees outside, which is unusual weather for December. But the weather was only the icing on the cake; what made the day so special - one that I will never forget - is that I entered into a union, a covenant with the woman I love. The woman God gave me to be my wife. God called me to the vocation of marriage and I responded with a "yes".

"To Thee be praise, to Thee be glory, to Thee be thanksgiving through endless ages, O Most Blessed Trinity!"

I received an email that read in part:

My name is Teresa Grodi and my husband and I recently had an opportunity to attend the Sposi Novelli audience with the Holy Father in Rome. This opportunity is available to all newlyweds within the first year of their marriage, but it is a HUGE undertaking to plan. So, upon our return, we decided to make a website to help other couples who would like a chance at this blessing! We are not selling a product or anything, it's just a way to assist people :)

The website is http://www.honeymoonwiththepope.com/ and I looked over it. It has lots of great info and tips and I'm sure it was be a invaluable resource for those interested.

We've had friends who had their marriage blessed by the Pope. Brian and I celebrated our first anniversary with a trip to Rome and although we didn't get a blessing from the Pope it was an incredible experience just to be there. (If I knew about this website and had the chance to do it over again, I definitely would have tried!) So if you are thinking that it might be a possibility for you, check it out!

Brian and I at St. Peter's Square celebrating our (recent) First Anniversary, Jan 2000.

Betty at Betty Beguiles.com asked bloggers to share about their wedding dress and if they still loved it or wished they had done things differently.

When I was prepping for my wedding and looking for a dress I was a little worried since I hated wearing dresses to begin with and I'm a plus size and didn't have as many choices as other brides-to-be. I remember my sister BC and I were shopping in Orange County and we decided to stop into a bridal store just to see styles and prices. After looking at the stick-thin girls and big price tags, I felt really out of place and didn't stay very long. Shortly after, my family moved to the Calif high dessert where it was more "cowboy country" than we were used to. I was driving with JC, another one of my sisters, and we came across a local wedding boutique. It looked more home-town humble than high-class snooty so we stopped to take a look.

The sales lady was really nice and brought out some dresses in my size. The first one I tried on confirmed all my fears. It had a "western" look to it and in it I looked like a big, white marshmallow cowboy bride. I looked over at my sister who was in the dressing room with me and we bust out laughing. Not quiet-giggles laughing but the I'm-going-to-wet-my-pants-if-I-don't-stop laughing. The sales woman came over and asked if anything was wrong. I bit my tongue hard enough to make myself calm down and told her that we were fine. I quickly changed and after a few more tries we came across a dress with an empire waist and I loved the way it looked and fit. I looked at the price tag and even the discounted $800 was more than I could really afford. But at least I now knew that there was a dress style that would work on me and not send me into hysterics.

The next few days I went online and searched for a dress that matched the one I liked in the store. I came across a beautiful dress with an empire waist, beaded bodice and longer train. I loved it. The price was half the amount at only $400. I loved it even more. After checking the return policy, I said a pray and ordered it. As it turned out, the dress worked perfectly and for the first time in my life I felt like a princess and actually loved wearing a dress.

Looking back, the whole wedding dress fiasco pretty much summed up the majority of my life experiences - a little craziness, a few tears, a lot of laughter, loved ones with me, and eventually everything working out great in the end.

Thanks to Betty for a fun post to write. :-)

For those Catholic singles recovering from the Valentine's blues, here's a new book you may be interested in - How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul. It is authored by the incredible couple/ chastity speakers Jason and Crystalina Evert. (I love these guys! See their past interview at RoL here.)

Here's the book description:

In your quest for love, don't lose yourself along the way.

While navigating through the dating scene, every woman begins to wonder:

* How do I know when a guy really loves me?
* Am I being too picky?
* Do I even deserve love?
* Is my relationship worth keeping?
* Is love worth the risk?
* Are any decent guys left?

Single women often feel left alone to find answers to their deep questions about love and intimacy. Some hang out and hook up, hoping for love. Others are afraid even to hope. At some point, every woman needs reassurance that she--and her standards--are not the problem. In How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul, you'll discover twenty-one strategies to help you raise the bar, instead of sitting at it, waiting around for Mr. Wonderful.

Isn't it time that you discovered a love that helps you to become yourself?

Check it out at http://www.howtofindyoursoulmate.com.

I woke up this Valentine's morning to find a love note from Brian waiting for me. In it he told me how much he loved me and what I meant to him. It brought me to tears because I knew it wasn't just "words" on a day he was expected to be romantic. He shows me that love every day - from a unexpected kiss to changing an incredibly stinky diaper without being asked. It's all those little things we do for each other and the foundation of our love for God that keeps us in love. 11 1/2 years and 4 kids later, he is still able to melt my heart with his smile. :-)

Pondering all this had me thinking about how we first met. I reread our story that we posted on RoL ages ago. If your curious, you can read it for yourself. Enjoy! And Happy Valentine's Day. (And for those singles, don't lose hope!)

BOBBI: In my late twenties, it started to become the family joke that if I was not married the age of thirty then I was going to pack my bags, move to Zimbabwe, live with the natives and die for a noble cause! (Okay, so I was a little dramatic.) Time was ticking and I was trying to grow closer to God and accept my singleness at the moment. My younger sister Elena suggested I try the website Single Catholics Online (now known as Ave Maria SCOL). I laughed at the idea, insisting that I was not desperate enough to look for a good Catholic husband on some dating service! She gave me that knowing look, smiled and walked out of the room saying, "Instead of crying about wanting a husband, get to work and check it out." How does she know me so well?

I immediately logged onto the site...just for fun of course. I was amazed at what I saw. It was not a "dating service" as I imagined but a cyber community of like-minded faithful Catholics who desired to live a life of holiness in the vocation of marriage. The extensive questionnaire alone was enough to allow me to find out more about each man's likes and beliefs than weeks of "surface dating." I also liked the fact that you had to pay a fee to use the site, knowing that the required time and effort would tend to attract more serious Catholics.

I decided to take the plunge but I waited a few days for October 13th on the anniversary date of Fatima's Miracle of the Sun. I knew that finding the right guy was going to take Our Lady's intervention and the Miracle of the SON. For the next couple of weeks I browsed through the profiles and met a few nice guys but nothing serious. Then it happened. A new member named Brian posted his profile and although he didn't have his photo up yet his answers immediately caught my attention. He seemed perfect for me! In fact, he seemed too good to be true and I thought to myself, this guy must be a phony; either he is a fake, writing from a prison cell, or he's real and should be in the seminary!

I couldn't find the nerve to write him so I printed out the top 7 or 8 profiles of guys that I thought best matched what I was looking for. Out of all those guys I knew Brian was my top choice but I still feared that he seemed "too good" for me. I went back to my sister Elena and gave her the stack of profiles I printed. I told her that I planned to start writing one of them but I wanted her to choose the one that would fit me. She came back with Brian's profile and said, "Write him." That was enough confirmation for me. I took a deep breath and composed a short email that would open the opportunity for conversation yet was still ambiguous enough for him to not respond if he didn't want to.

BRIAN: On November 1st, the feast of All Saints, I was on my way to the Monterey Peninsula. That day I left the seminary after a year and a half stay. I realized it was not my vocation and God called me to start a new chapter of my life. (Continue Reading...)

Lately, it seems like everyone has been complaining to me about the Duggar family - from my hairdresser to my mother-in-law. This article from Lifenews.com came just in time.

Hey People: Is the Duggar Family Too Big or Are Our Hearts Too Small?